“You haven’t drunk the good stuff,” they say.
They make me smile, think back
To all the times with strange sounding names
All the times I was young and lost
All the times I drank to impress
The years that passed never-ending
In a parade of the good stuff
Back, to all the boys pretending to manhood
To each their preferred obsession
With each new man, a new strange name
A new definition of the good stuff
Absinthe reminds me of fairies
High on floor cleaner
Grey Goose was a short boy at a high bar
BP was false advertisement
Talisker a drunk elephant rampage
Captain Morgan guiding a ship
Through giddy honeymoon waters
Only for it to wreck on the rocks
Of elite Screwdrivers in lonely elite clubs
I close my eyes to the sound
Of Jaegerbombs bragging
Of Old Fashioned being pricey
While Glenfiddich sings of unfulfilled longing
And Hercules of alcoholics passed out
In the backyards of their prime
Ballantine was acceptance bought
A bad investment carefully paid for
Black and White a hateful freeloader
Smirnoff was a classy girl
While Tequila danced on tables
Romanov was a homeless drunk
Crying on the stairs with nowhere to go
Old Monk was always drowning
In the darkness of the most dangerous nights
Mug after mug
Of being forever a Kingfisher freshman
Millers a tantalizing world of strangeness
Dreams that came true
Leaving a bad taste in your mouth
A dangerous door did Corona open
All the slamming wouldn’t keep it shut
And Long Island Iced Teas are always a mistake
Never should they be mixed
With Death by Chocolate
Kamikaze and blue shooters help
You forget you’re not having fun
RC was how the stoners pretended
They were interested in drinking at all
Cosmo was a skin made
For somebody else
Mojitos mean choking on mint
JD was a friend’s birthday request
Jim Beam a wife beater
While Johnny Walker kept on walking
Along the glass doors of cabinets
In a home I’ve ceased to remember
Fenny was the triumphant taste of invisible rebellion
Russian vodka was the first sip in time
From fruity cocktails and coke floats
To unnamed paper cups of whiskey-vodka-beer
I’ve been around the block
Down the memory lane of the good stuff
The bad stuff, the mad stuff
“You haven’t drunk the good stuff,” they say
I smile, because I’ve drunk all the stuff.
