Secret Shame

Watching those smiles freeze

Lips tightening into a universal badge

Of shame and honour, as conversation stills

Stumbles over a name, a face, a day of regrets

A night of stolen pleasure

Listening to the awkward silence deepen

Over a name left unsaid, a skip, a slip

Overlooked by chance, or the closest to it

An unspoken conspiracy narrowing into focus

Bound by ties of sisterhood superficial yet strong

Bound by common shame

Laughing inwardly in the midst of an unspoken silence

A scream wanting to burst outward, up, up and away

For we all have that secret blush

Over heavy lidded eyes that hide

Secrets many kill to know

Secrets I cannot afford to let slip

On a roll of dice, a gamble I cannot forsake

Nor yet flip my hand, letting sail merrily

On a game of Russian roulette

Forgive me my secret shame

And my sisters with me, for we all have

Our forbidden names, our forgotten faces

Suppressed desires shaken lightly off

And cloaked in the mantles of deceit and regret

Who Knows?

A monkey chant from someplace tribal

Maybe trivial, who knows, echoing in my ears

Laughter, tears, maybe another holiday

The best gifts, who knows, perhaps the ones not tied up

In ribbon, that is to say, I love you

Regrets far and few in between, who knows, perhaps I lied

To make you feel a better person, don't cry

Life's not a movie, who knows, cos I love the dance

Of madness, death, the one with twirls and little sense

Secure in swathes of colour, who knows, invading thoughts and little else

Coz life's full of malfunctioning buttons

On dresses, keyboards, and who knows, my lips too?

Cannot quite figure, where the music is from tonight

Or if there's a drunk girl, who knows, puking on shoes

Floundering in oblivion, but there's work to be done elsewhere

A glassful of water would be nice, who knows, this random stream 

Of thought might even be going someplace...

Who knows?

 

The Fog

Darkness darkened by the drink in her hand
No elegance, no classy clink of glass on glass
Vision blurring a night hard to fathom
Naked in its simplicity
And yet the fog rolled in 
From the corners of her line of sight


Hair cascading in an unruly swathe
Of colour undecided by the tenor of the night
The odd light glinting on the silver in her ears
Round hoops setting off the colour of her eyes


Arms and shoulders laid bare 
To the icy wind and twists of fate
Warmed by the liquid flowing freely
From hands to fingers, from tips to lips 


Registering snatches of words and laughter
In the midst of it all, and yet she found time 
For her thoughts, for a secret smile 
At a joke unseen, for a retort terse
Snatched from a dialogue long lost


In the present and yet not
Tangled in thoughts new yet old
A silent wall built up over time 
Did its job stolidly and well


She laughed and spoke 
To old friends and strangers new
Not knowing what songs 
Her words were used to sing
The bridge betwixt her thoughts and lips
Crumbling irreparably to the will 
Of a job well done


When shivering morning came she woke
Astounded, lost, retching with shame
For nothing had she done that beget that name 
And nothing curled within knowing itself tame 


Rejoicing in control, laughing at the loss of it
Silently crying secret tears bittersweet
Because at the end of the night, despite the dark
And her wildest dreams, all was still, forever the same